THEY HAVE TO DIE…
KEY SCRIPTURE: “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” ~ Isaiah 55:8-9 (NLT)
Okay, first a couple quick personal “death and rebirth” stories…
I grew up with fairytales. My favorites were “fairy princess” ones, like Cinderella and Snow White… but I always felt more like the Ugly Duckling. Always the new kid at school. Always a little odd, not wanting to join the games on the playground and preferring to sit against the wall and escape into a book. Always longing for a Prince Charming to come and see me for who I really was, and rescue me from the “evil stepsisters” I felt were all around me.
As I grew up, I continued the search for my fairytale prince, but I became the glass slipper… cramming different men into my life, trying to make them fit perfectly. And they never did. They say you end up marrying your parents, so I always found men just like my father… abusive, cruel, demanding, demeaning. Finally, the glass slipper broke, and I let the dream of my Prince Charming die. I decided I would become a “none”… as in “None for me, thanks! I’m married to God!” I bought a ring, put it on my finger, and if anyone asked, that’s what I told them. I’d say, “I’m married.”
And I meant it.
One day a man came to my Bible study, and when I saw how he looked at everyone in the room, I thought, “Woah… this man trusts NO-ONE! Especially women!” And it was true. Over the next couple of years, we got to know each other a bit better, through the Bible study and church, and one day he asked me out for coffee. My defenses exploded and I immediately blurted out, “No! No… I don’t… do….. lunch.”
The look on his face, (and the little voice (God) inside my head!) said, “Uhhhhmmm, he said COFFEE, not LUNCH,” so, I agreed to coffee and we set up a time to meet. When we got to the coffee shop and sat down at a table, my prepared speech came tumbling out… “I just want you to know, I’m a “none” - as in “None for me, thanks! I’m married to God!” I expected him to be disappointed, but instead he literally breathed a HUGE sigh of relief, relaxed back into his chair and said, “Oh, thank GOD! Because I’m DONE!!” After sharing a bit of our stories, all the tension left and we were able to just hang out as friends with no pressure to be anything more. We were None and Done.
After several months of spending every spare moment together, it felt like maaaayyyybe this could be something more… which absolutely scared the crap out of me! So, I brought it to God, in my typical subtle fashion.
“OH MY GOD!!! This is SCARY, Lord!!! YOU said I was a “none!” YOU said I was gonna be ALONE for the rest of my life, married to YOU! YOU said I was gonna be a spinster!!! You said! You said! You said! YOU SAID!!”
To which He calmly responded, “Did I say that? Or is that what YOU felt because you were so bitter, angry, and resentful???”
“Noooooooo…” I said, knowing full well He was right.
So, after a few more hours of wrestling like this, (okay, so it was all night long!) I finally said, “Okay, Lord… IF we’re going to move forward in this relationship, then it absolutely HAS to be YOUR will! If it’s NOT YOUR will, then I don’t WANT it!”
I swear I felt Him roll His eyes and say under His breath, “FINALLY!” (I can’t blame Him… I AM kinda strong-willed and slow to listen. *laughing*)
Long story short, we’ve now been very happily married for many years.
But MY dream had to die, so that it could be born again, God’s way. Instead of marrying a Prince Charming with soft and bouncy hair, I married the most amazing man… a humble servant of the King. God’s way is ALWAYS better than my way, so now, if I don’t have 100% peace about something, I don’t do it!
Another example of a dream I had that had to die was going into ministry. I’ve wanted to be in ministry probably since I was in high school. After I graduated, I remember looking into different colleges where I could go to seminary, but there was always some reason why I couldn’t go. First it was getting pregnant and then having a baby and then being married to a violent and abusive drug addict and then blah blah blah… it was always something. And every time I would pray about it, the Lord would say, “Acts 4:13.”
Quick summary… Acts 4:13 is basically in the middle of the story of when John and Peter are in the temple courts talking about Jesus. The Pharisees are like, “STOP talking about Him!” and they’re like, “Nope, we’re gonna obey God, not you!” so they get thrown in jail and the Pharisees are ranting to each other, saying, “Who ARE these guys? They’re uneducated NOBODIES!!!” But then they remembered that they had been with Jesus.
And THAT’S the line that the Lord repeated to me… that they had been with Jesus. THAT’S what was important. Not their education.
For the record, I’ve always hated that answer. I WANTED TO GO TO SEMINARY!!!
But, clearly, that wasn’t going to happen, so instead I buried myself in the Word and different studies and just continued learning and “spending time with Jesus”.
Then, one day last year I was talking to my pastor and somehow the subject of seminary came up. I mentioned how I’ve longed to go to seminary for forEVER but there was always SOME reason I couldn’t go and blah blah blah. She said, “You don’t need to go to seminary to be ordained. Obviously, there’s training and steps you need to take, but seminary isn’t required.” I felt like a door creaked open and a bolt of lighting shot out straight through my heart.
So, I prayed about it. And talked to my husband about it. WE prayed about it. My pastor sent me the information on it and WE prayed about it. AND I had 100% peace. YAY!!! So, I started down the path… completing all the forms and paperwork and prescreening documents and meetings. Everything was lookin' good! WOOHOOOO!!!
But then…
Literally the night before I was to go before our church body and share the decision with them and ask for their prayers, my peace left me.
All of it.
100% GONE! I had NO peace about it.
So, I hit my knees and started wrestling with God. He was completely silent. And, completely firm. NO peace. I was in a state of absolute emotional turmoil, writhing about internally, seeking SOME way to get MY way AND have peace about it. I had an incredible migraine and was vomiting throughout the night, praying over and over and and over and OVER again, “Lord, PLEASE give me PEACE!”
Finally, it felt like He sternly said, “Hey! Do you have peace??”
Somewhat shocked at His suddenly breaking the silence AND at His question, I thought about it… as if He was asking me to look around and see if maybe I was missing it or something. Finally, I said, “Uhhhhmmm… no?” And He said, “Then THERE is your answer.”
Ugh. Totally NOT what I wanted to hear.
But, it was clear.
And when I (eventually) accepted that answer, my peace returned.
I was still REALLY unhappy with the answer, but I knew it was the right answer, (for whatever reason - it was HIS reason,) so there was peace in it.
I called my pastor and we set up a time to talk. I shared with her my experience and she completely understood. But, I still did NOT understand.
I continued to wrestle with God… not so much about the decision now, but about why? WHY did I have complete peace about it one day, and then SUDDENLY have NO peace about it?? That totally sucked… AND made NO sense to me.
After a few weeks, (it takes that long sometimes for my heart to settle down enough to be able to hear what He’s saying,) I was reading in Samuel about how David tells the prophet Nathan that he wants to build a temple for God and Nathan’s like, “Thumbs up, dude! Go for it! God is with you!”
But then…
Literally that night God tells Nathan, “Nope. David’s not going to build my temple…” So Nathan has to go and tell this to David. (2 Samuel 7:1-7)
In this story, God revealed to me that it’s about walking with Him moment by moment… it’s not a one-and-done kind of relationship, where we get an answer and run with it. (I usually end up running off a cliff when I do that!) It’s a journey we’re on WITH Him and we need to REMAIN in Him EVERY step of the way… to AVOID pitfalls!
Well… this gave me a little bit more peace. But, it still didn’t make sense. Why put such desire in my heart and open the door, just to have it slammed shut again? Why did I have to let my dream die??
A week or so later, again in my quiet time, when I was silent and still, the Lord began to speak to my heart.
He basically said, “Remember, Acts 4:13. You interact with people in a homeless shelter all the time. MY children who have serious trauma, and oftentimes deep shame that accompanies it. Most of them would NEVER be comfortable talking to a “pastor”… BUT, they REALLY need to talk with someone who has been with Jesus.”
Immediately I understood, and an overwhelming peace flooded my heart. Complete and total peace, that I’ve never felt about this dream before.
He continued, “All of My followers are “in ministry” whether they’re paid for it professionally or not… whether they’re ordained, or not. I am the One who calls all My children to be My ambassadors, wherever they find themselves in life. I am the One Who puts the ache in your heart and Who will guide your steps and give you the words to speak, if you REMAIN in Me. YOUR dream of “being in ministry” had to die, so it could be reborn in Me. MY dream for your “ministry” is different than your dream, and it is way, way more. So trust Me.”
Jesus promises us that it is in dying that we will live. He told Nicodemus that unless we are born again we cannot enter into God’s kingdom. We have to die to OUR way in order to live HIS way. For HIS kingdom to come and HIS will to be done on earth as it is in heaven. And this means we need to HUMBLE ourselves… admitting that God’s way is better than our way. Even when it makes no sense and we don’t understand. Even when it hurts. Even when it takes a long time. And even when we’re SCARED TO DEATH that if we let our dreams die we will lose everything… everything we hold dear… everything we want… maybe even everything we are.
The Bible is FILLED with these humbling death and rebirth stories… where someone had to humble themselves and give up their way for it to be reborn God’s way. Jesus, of course, is the ultimate example. ALL His dreams had to die. In fact, He physically had to die in order to be “born again” - the same, yet different. Resurrected. Same body, (still showing the scars on His hands and feet and ribs,) but different… able to walk through walls and disappear and reappear… SO COOL!!!
And, because Jesus humbled himself to not only become a human being, but to allow Himself to die - especially the horrific and humiliating death on a cross! - Philippians 2:6-11 says, “God exalted Him to the highest place and gave Him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”
I always forget that Jesus’ disciples had dreams too… dreams of Him defeating Rome, establishing Israel as the new kingdom, (like King David did!) with them ruling along side Him. Jesus’ death killed His disciples’ dreams as well. But, just as He promised, His resurrection was a new birth to their dreams… and this time, it was God’s dream. Yes, a new kingdom, but one that is eternal. And WAY bigger than Rome! (God’s ways are ALWAYS bigger than ours!)
But, allowing our dreams to die is NOT easy!!! Especially for someone as strong-willed as I am! I mean, I WANT to do things God’s way, but sometimes His way is counterintuitive and just doesn’t make sense to my little brain! I WANT to obey God with all my spirit… but I also want my OWN way. As Jesus said in the Garden of Gethsemane, “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
So Lord, please help us!!! We KNOW we have let go, and believe that YOU have a plan, and “have faith” that You love us, and humble ourselves and say, “Not MY will but YOUR will be done,” and allow You to take control… we KNOW all these things, but Lord, knowing all these things doesn’t make it any easier! So please, flood us with Your Holy Spirit, and fill us with Your faith to believe that like a tiny acorn that dies to become a mighty oak, if we surrender our dreams to You and allow them to truly die, they can be truly reborn. In You.
In Jesus’ name.
Amen.
SCRIPTURES
Isaiah 55:8-9 ~ “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” (NLT)
Acts 4:13 ~ The members of the council were amazed when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, for they could see that they were ordinary men with no special training in the Scriptures. They also recognized them as men who had been with Jesus. (NLT)
2 Corinthians 5:20 ~ So we are ambassadors who represent Christ. God is negotiating with you through us. We beg you as Christ’s representatives, “Be reconciled to God!”
John 15:4-5 ~ Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. (NIV)
John 12:24-25 ~ I assure you that unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it can only be a single seed. But if it dies, it bears much fruit. Those who love their lives will lose them, and those who hate their lives in this world will keep them forever. (CEB)
John 3:1-7 ~ Now there was a man of the Pharisees named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews. This man came to Jesus by night and said to him, “Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher come from God, for no one can do these signs that you do unless God is with him.” Jesus answered him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.” Nicodemus said to him, “How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother's womb and be born?” Jesus answered, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.’ (ESV)
Matthew 6:10 ~ Your kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. (NASB)
Luke 1:38 ~ “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her. (NIV)
John 20:19-20 ~ When it was evening on that first day of the week, the disciples were gathered together with the doors locked because they feared the Jews. Jesus came, stood among them, and said to them, “Peace be with you.” Having said this, he showed them his hands and his side. So the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. (CSB)
Philippians 2:6-11 ~ “God exalted Him to the highest place and gave Him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” (NIV)
Matthew 16:21-23 ~ From that time Jesus began to point out to His disciples that it was necessary for Him to go to Jerusalem and to suffer many things from the elders, chief priests, and scribes, and to be killed, and to be raised up on the third day. And yet Peter took Him aside and began to rebuke Him, saying, “God forbid it, Lord! This shall never happen to You!” But He turned and said to Peter, “Get behind Me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to Me; for you are not setting your mind on God’s purposes, but men’s.” (NASB)
Matthew 26:41~ “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (NIV)