PRAY FOR THOSE WHO PERSECUTE YOU

In Matthew 5:44 Jesus says, “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

Years ago when I would read this, I always thought of Israel and the Romans - I mean, this IS when Jesus said it, right? - while the nation of Israel was under the oppressive and oftentimes vindictive rule of the Roman empire.  But obviously, Christ’s instructions go far beyond our political persecution.  It speaks to our personal “persecution” as well.

For over 20 years I had a “friend” who was like a sister to me. For the majority of our friendship, (especially when we lived in different towns and were “friends from afar,”) she was very supportive and encouraging. She would call or write or come see me, or I’d go see her, and when we were together we’d talk for hours on end.  She was like a mentor to me and would speak truth into my life and walk with me through difficult places. She truly was like family to me and I shared with her everything.  It wasn’t until I went through some family crises, (resulting in serious financial difficulties,) and started renting the guest quarters in her house that things really shifted in our relationship.  Now that I was living “under her roof” she became harsh, controlling and vindictively abusive towards me, using my past hurts and current fears as weapons to intentionally hurt me. Having no other options until I was financially able to move again, I was in this toxic environment for a very long time. 

Through it all, I prayed.  And prayed.  And prayed.  And prayed. Mostly for me, as the large majority of her venomous words were towards or about me. I couldn’t understand it. How could she say she loved me one minute, then be so mean and cruel the next? It didn’t make sense and I constantly felt emotionally whiplashed. One night, after an exceptionally painful dinner filled with verbal assaults, I was in my bed crying to the Lord with all my heart, begging him to make my pain stop. Suddenly He said four simple words to me that made a profound impact on my soul. 

It’s. Not. About. You.

At first I argued with Him. (Like I usually do.) It certainly FELT like it was about me! I was the one she was attacking! I was the one she was tearing down! I was the one with my heart slashed open by her cutting words! I was the one hurting!

It’s. Not. About. You.

I still didn’t believe Him.  And then He brought to memory a story she told about her childhood in which, when she was barely 5 years old, she went to give her mother a hug and a kiss goodnight. Her mother was drinking (as usual) in her easy chair watching television and, instead of giving a hug and kiss, pushed her away saying, “We don’t do that anymore.”  And she never did again.

The Lord revealed to me how in that moment the fragile foundation of my friend’s being crumbled.  The core beliefs she held, (simple as they were as a 5 year old, like, “My mommy loves me,”) were shattered. She no longer felt safe. She no longer felt loved. She no longer knew who she was. And since she didn’t know what else to do with the pain at the time, she buried it, and the wound festered.  As she grew, so did the wound… and so did her insecurity. The infection was deep, but if she looked at it, it would completely debilitate her, so throughout her life she denied the pain and surrounded herself with people and situations in which she was completely in control and was therefore able to keep herself “safe”.  As long as she stayed in control, her life was fine. Over the years she had honed her skills of avoidance and self-control, and so, to the outside world at least, she was fine. In fact, she was beyond fine.  From the outside world, she was exceptional. She had her life together.

And then I moved in.

And she couldn’t control me.

She controlled her husband. And her children. They had learned to never challenge anything she said. But I did. I challenged her by my very presence. She immediately knew I disagreed with her when she would speak an untruth, (even if I didn’t say anything because it was HER house,) and this would rip open that wound of insecurity and all the pus and poison would pour out onto me.

All this the Lord revealed to me in a flash. In the midst of praying for Him to heal my broken heart, He revealed to me how deeply my friend’s heart was broken, and it broke my heart in a new way. Instead of feeling MY pain, I was suddenly aware of HER pain. 

And it changed my prayers.

Knowing and/or understanding the underlying reason why a person is “persecuting” or hurting you does NOT excuse their bad behavior. However, it can change our perspective and help us to empathize with THEIR pain and pray for THEIR healing as well as ours.  As always, Jesus gave us a perfect example of this when He prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do,” while hanging on the cross.