TRAUMA DRAMA
KEY SCRIPTURES:
Do not judge so that you will not be judged. ~ Matthew 7:1 (NET)
But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you… ~ Matthew 5:44 (NIV)
One night while working at the homeless shelter I was outside talking with a friend who was in her car in the parking lot when another woman started walking across the parking lot towards me. This woman was VERY upset, staring me straight in the eyes, screaming at me, calling me terrible things, and using language that made my ears want to start bleeding! Everyone within 100 feet was watching. It was very dramatic. It was quite a show.
But, it was NOT a performance.
It was very, VERY real.
My friend was horrified and took my hand and said, “Oh my G… I am SO sorry she’s saying those things to you!!!”
I looked at my friend and said, “She’s not saying anything to ME. She’s speaking to her trauma right now… someone who’s hurt her in her past. Maybe her mother or sister or babysitter… I don’t know, but she’s not even seeing me. She’s seeing her pain. She’s FEELING her pain. And THAT is what she is re-acting to.”
I call it, Trauma Drama.
There is an excellent book on this topic called, The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel A. van der Kolk. I truly cannot recommend this book highly enough. Dr. van der Kolk has worked extensively with patients suffering from post traumatic stress disorder, (PTSD,) so he has done literally decades of research on trauma and it’s effects on the brain.
One of the things discovered is that trauma literally changes our brain, so after a traumatic event (or events,) we think about and/or process things completely differently than how a “normal” person would. So, obviously, extended trauma, (like a soldier in active combat for months or years, or an entire childhood of physical or sexual abuse, or a marriage filled with unending emotional, physical, or mental abuse,) means serious mental re-wiring has taken place… therefore, serious mental re-re-wiring will have to take place again for healing to occur. (The book also discusses a myriad of different modalities Dr. Van der Kolk and others have found to be effective in treating PTSD and other mental health issues.)
I am in NO way an expert on trauma, but while working with the homeless community you definitely see deep and significant trauma. A lot. And oftentimes its played out in very dramatic ways.
We all experience trauma in our lives, (whether minimal or great,) from child abuse to car accidents, from bullies to dog bites. The thing is, we all deal with trauma differently. Two people may experience exactly the same thing, but be affected by it completely differently. (There’s actually an example of this in the book.) It’s a mystery as to why.
Which is, in part at least, why I think Jesus told us to not judge others and to pray for those who persecute us.
We have no idea what another person has gone through.
We have no idea what another person is going through right now.
But, God does.
And, when we lift them up in prayer, we take the focus off of us. When we understand that they’re hurting and broken, just like us, (maybe even more so!) it can help us to not take their behavior personally.
So, right there in the parking lot, my friend and I started praying for this woman who was screaming at me. Immediately the woman started calming down. She at least stopped screaming at me, stopped looking at me, stopped walking towards me, and just turned and walked away down the street. This didn’t immediately heal her, but the power of prayer was immediately evident… and more prayer means more power, so, I lift her up in prayer every time I think of her now!
Lord, please give us Your eyes to see, Your heart to care, and Your grace to remember that we are all broken, hurting humans in need of love and belonging. We are all in need of You. Please help us. Please heal us.
In Jesus’ name.
Amen.