PRESENT IN THE PRESENT ON PURPOSE

One of the first classes I ever failed was a “Career Planning” class in High School. We were supposed to pick 3 careers we were interested in, research them entirely, and write a report on each one.  

It seemed like everyone was excited about this. It felt like all my classmates knew exactly (or at least had *some* idea of) what they wanted to be when they grew up. 

A fireman. 

A teacher. 

A doctor. 

A lawyer.  

I was completely clueless, and it literally mortified me. For me it went deeper than just a “career” ~ I felt like I needed to know my PURPOSE.  Seeing everyone else (seemingly) having answers exponentially increased my feelings of inadequacy, and I became terrified. 

I felt trapped in my head, running from room to room in my mind searching frantically but not knowing exactly what I was looking for. The more I tried to think about the future and my purpose, the more anxious I became, and the more anxious I became the quieter God became, and the quieter God became the louder I screamed at Him, demanding to know what my purpose was! 

(Screaming at God always works well. So does demanding from Him. *deep sigh*)  

I became frozen with fear and literally did nothing. 

So, I failed the class.

It was only about 15 years later when I was finally calm enough to hear the Lord on this. I was in a job, (not a career) and just doing the 9 to 5 thing. Not miserable, but really not happy either. I felt like I *should* be somewhere else, doing something else but had somehow missed the offramp and was now stuck on this highway to nowhere. So, I prayed, “Lord, please show me what you want me to do with my life.”

He answered, “Sweetheart, if I showed you what your future held, you wouldn’t want to do it and you would stop living all together.  You would be frozen with fear because you cannot comprehend NOW how you will have what you need to accomplish what will be before you THEN.” 

He brought to mind what He said about the Apostle Paul in the book of Acts, (9:16) “I will show him how much he must suffer for my name.” 

Needless to say, this COMPLETELY freaked me out. 

So, He gently spoke to my heart again and said, “Don’t be afraid. I know the plans I have for you… plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified… for I go with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)”  

I don’t think He showed Paul in one sweeping vision how much he would have to suffer, or Paul probably wouldn’t have wanted to go forward either! No… I think Jesus showed Paul how much he would suffer by walking WITH Him through the suffering… all the way up to the moment Paul died.

I’ve had this conversation with the Lord countless times throughout my life. In fact, this is probably what I ask of Him the most. What is my purpose?! I want to see what the future holds. I want to know all the questions so I can prepare all the answers and NOT fail. I’m a recipe girl. I like knowing all the ingredients that are required and having all the instructions for making things turn out amazing. Call me a control-freak, it is what it is. 

I was expressing this to Him again a while back and He softly answered, “Trust me.”

“I DO trust You, Lord. I just don’t trust ME! I mess things up SOOOO easily!” I answered. 

He smiled and said, “I’m the one in control, my love, not you. I’m God, and I’m much bigger than any mistake you could possibly make. I specialize in taking “bad” things and working them for My good.” (Genesis 50:20)

“But what do you want me to DO with my life?! I’m a DOER!” I pleaded.

“No,” He answered, “I created you as a human BEing, not a human DOing.  BE still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)

“I hate that answer!” I said, laughing.

He smiled and said, “I know you do. That’s why I keep repeating it to you. What I want you to do is be present in the present. This is where I am. I am right here, right now. You typically worry about the future because you fail to see Me in it, which is why it terrifies you. I don’t tell you where we’re going because when I do, you run off ahead of me, thinking you know how to get there.  But My ways are not your ways and My thoughts are not your thoughts. My thoughts and plans for your life are much bigger than yours, (Isaiah 55:8-9) and if you will trust Me and walk WITH Me, you will be blessed. When you are present in the present, you can receive it for what it truly is… a “present” … a sacred gift from Me to you. Dear one, when you are present in the present on purpose you WILL be on your purpose - MY purpose for you.” 

This sounds much easier than it is. I’ve had several decades of practice, firmly establishing the habit of using my present to bemoan the past or fret about the future. But, I *have* noticed that as I continue to practice being present in the present on purpose, I am more aware of the simple gifts He scatters through my days, like rose petals strewn on the path before a bride. Simple encounters with others that show me I DO have a purpose… and I trust that if I stay close to Him I WILL be on purpose. His purpose for me. Which is what I’ve always wanted.

I may have failed the class in High School, but I’m learning the lesson now. My true purpose is to BE with Him. 

Always. 

Period. 

Present in the present. 

On purpose.

SCRIPTURES

Acts 9:16 ~ I will show him how much he must suffer for my name. (NIV)

Jeremiah 29:11 ~ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (NIV)

Deuteronomy 31:6 ~ Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. (NIV)

Genesis 50:20 ~ But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. (NIV)

Psalm 46:10 ~ He says, “Be still, and know that I am God.” (NIV)

Isaiah 55:8-9 ~ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways… as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (NIV)